| 06:32pm 20/01/2004 | |||
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I dont really know what to say right now. Very bad things have happend. My grandmother has just passed away. She had an aortic anyurism (how the fuck to spell that I do not know) and so her aorta kinda exploaded. And .. yea. So, she died. I 'get' to be a paulberrer(i doubt thats how that is spelled either. But i dont give a shit) and so I get to carry my grandmothers coffin... i dont really want to have to do that. But i will. and so... yea... I dont know.... |
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| Interesting revalations | |||
| 04:42pm 05/01/2004 | |||
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Ok... so this is kinda weird for me to explain. Just because.. yea, its weirddd ^^ for me atleast... Maybe its just because i havent really told anyone. Though im sure no one who will read this would care.. if anything youll probly think its good for me..... I dunno. its still something that i know how to really say. Really ... it was discoverd ... i think on new years. .. yes, it was New Years, just after midnight. I was on the phone with Ariana, and we were talking about DEG. As she went on one of her usual 'Kyo is cute' 'Shinya is so pretty' 'Toshiya is hot!' thing. And I said something... i dont remember what exactly i said, but I know I said something. And that led to her asking me 'You would enjoy kissing Toshiya, wouldnt you?' At first I diddnt know how to respond.. because I diddnt think i was.. but she bugged me about it and finnaly i said i would mostly just to make her happy. because i knew it would make her happy. But .. later .. i was thinking about it.. and... I discoverd.. that it might not be that bad.... and so.. yes.. this has led me to one conclusion... I must be Bi... but only for certian people, such as toshiya. and so.. yea.... I wonder if its normal to feel nervous about that? |
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| 10:36pm 28/12/2003 | |||
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Dull knives suck >< They dont cut. I have no idea why, i had an urge to, but the knives were all dull and wouldnt cut at all >< it pissed me off. Ariana made me promise i wouldnt try to cut myself again... And I did, but I dont know, I just have an urge for such a pain, even though ive never really felt anything cut me... I just have a strange desire to do it. Not trying to kill myself by the way, just to bleed..... |
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| 11:18pm 06/11/2003 | |||
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no, i am not dead. i have had the worst week of my life though.. im sad. and ive cried too many times... i need a hug.... a real one... someone to just hug me and tell me i will be ok.... *cries* |
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| I have lost heart | |||
| 05:44pm 01/11/2003 | |||
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That sounds like a good title, ive lost heart. Lost my heart. And i doubt it will be coming back..... Ariana says I love her too much. She is scared. She told me .... she told me not to love her anymore. .... Im going to try to work out something.. but... I dont think i will... This has brought on something extreamly unexpected.... I have cried, twice ... and .... yea.... if nothing can be worked out I think that I am going to end up being the old person I was, where I had no one... it will be worse though... I dont know what to do...... |
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| 11:03am 26/10/2003 | ||||
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| 07:26pm 17/10/2003 | ||||
Im kinda feeling happy like right now. And I dont know why. I think it has something to do with listening to Gn'R Sweet Child O' Mine ^^ It brings me happy thoughts ^^ its a really good song ^^ ah well. Im gonna see if Ariana is done with dinner yet ^^ |
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| 04:15pm 14/10/2003 | |||
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Hard to describe feelings are haunting me. I cannot get them out of my head. And I have no one to talk to, physically, not on the internet. Im lonely... I think i need a hug.. on a slightly lighter note, i have a headache from looking at pictures of brain maggots :x |
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| 03:44pm 12/10/2003 | |||
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A battle that lasted much MUCH too long. ... and 18 hour mega battle -.- I had some 6000 points + i got to control Logan Grimnar for the Imperium ^^ He was the last special character left (there was Abbadon, Night Bringer, Kreed, and Logan Grimar) and all but grimnar were dead by 2 o'clock this morning. Grimnar died around 8.... Sad thing was is he was killing lots of big things (aka Greater Deamons) and he died by Tyranid Gaunts... one of the smallest things in the game... One of the enemies Titans died by tripping on a hill and breaking :x thats an expensive break. That SOB costs 800 some dollars, and thats not pretty when it breaks. But yes, the Imperium won just because we held the Cadian capital at the end of the game, and Chaos did not. so yea. long battles.-.-'' In other news, I dont know if If told any one round here, but my Girlfreind is officially BI. She has a girlfreind too ... Im not sure how I feel about that but I know why she has that... Because I am a chicken shit ^^ and so I am trying to become less of a chicken shit ^^ maybe she wont feel that she needs another person as well as me. Would anyone say its strange that, even given that fact that she has said that she loves me? I believe it, I dont really know why, but I do. Though i dont see what there is about me that is loveable.... And really I think that shes too good for me, she deserves some one who is just over all better.... But I wont complain because that just means Im a lucky bastard ^^ |
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| 06:44pm 05/10/2003 | ||||
I went for a walk last night too, i was out to like two in the morning. and I did not fall asleep untill like 4 then waking up at nine... whats with the 5 hour sleep thing... i think i was woken up a few times too... though i dont remember. so yes. not sleeping well and not eating. but not really depressed or anything. dun know whats up. guess ill find out sooner or later. |
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| 09:54pm 30/09/2003 | ||||
is it strange that I am a guy and my cat makes me feel better? |
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pessimistic| 09:32pm 25/09/2003 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I think this is more or less true.... dont you?
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| 09:21pm 25/09/2003 | ||||
not really but yes. I feel like i could do that just about now 0.o I need to do homework but I dont want to... it can wait untill just before bed. |
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| 04:34pm 24/09/2003 | ||||
not really.. and that was kinda stoopeed but what ever. *yawn* its not even five yet and Im getting tired... and i still have homework to do.. I havent even started... |
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blah| meh first entry! | ||||
| 09:11pm 21/09/2003 | ||||
ah well, nothing really to talk about so.. yea .... |
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good|
korneyboy |
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